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What Should Parents Do About 'Unsuitable' TV Shows?

'The last thing I want to do is alienate my kids. Yet I can't see any way forward. I just don't know what to do!'

We were sitting in the school's Guidance office and the mother was becoming more and more intense. She wanted an answer, but could find none.

Although she attended her church regularly, she was not keen to speak to her minister about this particular issue.

In a way it was he who had prompted the dilemma. On Sunday he had preached about the demoralising influence of many current TV shows, especially the 'soaps' in which a less than uplifting lifestyle was promoted: indulgence in crime, lying, cheating, adultery - you name it!

As she saw it, this Mum had only two choices: she could turn a blind eye, like lots of people were doing; or she could turn the TV off and forbid the kids to watch these programmes - but that would no doubt make them go elsewhere.

And being heavy-handed about it was sure to cause disruption and a breakdown in good relationships. What on earth could she do?

This situation is one that confronts most parents occasionally. What can you do about the 'unsuitable' elements of TV programmes, violent DVDs and video games, the abuse of drink and drugs when these things are now common practice in our communities?

Right now, though, let's keep the offending TV shows as our example.

It may surprise you, but I don't believe the extreme approach -'Not in my house!' - will be the most effective.

Believe me, this isn't a case of turning a 'blind eye' in order to avoid conflict and have a peaceful home life.

These media influences are everywhere, aren't they? So we must respond to them. But what can we do?

Well, let's train our kids to think for themselves and consider the values we want them to have. After all, we can't be with them all the time. We can't make them do something, especially if we're not there.

Far better, then, to train them to have high standards.

And we can do this by discussing what we see in these TV shows.

If a film or other media item is beyond the pale in terms of violence and such like, then by all means let's veto it! But if it's a show that goes against our standards of an appropriate lifestyle, let's watch the show and raise the matter afterwards.

These issues usually centre around family values, respect for others, respect for self and respect for the society we live in (its institutions, customs, and so on).

Listen to the young people's point of view, and - in a calm and assertive tone - make it clear what you think of it all, and stress why you feel there are better alternatives.

In this way you expose them to higher ideals and teach them to be more discerning. If they witness strong leadership from you, they will be more likely to follow. So when they are away and you have no direct control, you can be confident you will have influenced their responses.

Here's to your successful parenting!

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