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Don't Be Scared Of Sibling Rivalry

By: Shevach Pepper

In most families sibling rivalry is common. Fighting and arguing with your brothers and sisters as you grow up together is natural and this should not cause alarm. Sibling rivalry does not happen in every family although happens in plenty families.

If your kids seem to have a good relationship with each other and are happy, a little disagreement here and there is nothing to worry about. If your kids are fighting and arguing to the point that a child is constantly unhappy then it should be talked about and should stop. If you ignore sibling rivalry once it has gone this far it will not go away and may cause your kids to not be able to bond in the future.

Here are some reasons for sibling rivalry, provocation, and jealousy:

Jealousy or aggressive personalities

Low self-esteem

Poor social skills

People suffering from low self-esteem tend to be unhappy with themselves and seek validation from others, especially family members. If their view is outwardly focused in this way, they can become envious and think others are better than them. If this person also lacks social skills, they might relieve their frustration by "acting up" with their siblings. He or she might also be provoked easily. This is the main cause of sibling rivalry.

Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.

Dealing with this problem? Here are some tips:

Make sure the child has plenty of attention, love and support.

Spend extra time with child that is having difficulty fitting in. Uses time to boost the childs self esteem and make this child feel important.

Find the reason that the child is unhappy.

Encourage your child to confide in you. Don't shout because this has an adverse effect on the situation.

After difficult situations have blown over discuss them with the child and ask if the child was watching their friends have the same disagreement what advice would they give their friends?

You might want to talk to the childs teacher about how to fix the problem and keep in mind that teachers have spent lots of time with kids and you might come up with something you can do together to help him.

Visit a child psychologist you realize that the situation is out of your scope of control.

Jealousy and sibling rivalry can begin at any age although it is usually during childhood while the child is attempting to create or discover his own identity that these problems arise. These problems may also occur during puberty, adolescents and even early adulthood depending on the individual situation. These situations are easier to deal with while child is young. As a child matures your advice may not be taken as easily.

Dealing with adult sibling rivalries

If you have adult siblings are having a problem that is affecting the whole family it is time to intervene. Here are some ways to intervene:

If there is a good relationship between you and your child try to discuss the problem with him. You should not be judging your child.

You might want to get a third party, perhaps a close friend or spouse, to talk to your child.

You should have a person talk to both of the siblings separately to help with the problem.

Talk to the sibling who is more receptive to advice first. Use tact and digression when approaching this subject with either of your children.

It isn't easy to build self-esteem in children, especially after things have got out of hand and they have begun fighting with others. Don't give up and do keep working at it though. A lot of the most successful and happy people I know grew up with strained sibling relationships but things worked out fine in the end. If you make the effort, things will work out.

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